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RA Home School Association at 85-25 61st Road, Rego Park, NY 11374 US - Bullying...
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Bullying... |
Bullying effects everyone exposed to it...even if your child is not directly bullied, he or she is well aware of the goings on of the bully and may alter his or her behavior as a result of the situation. Bullies. Every school has them. They taunt, tease, shove, and beat up other kids. Indirect bullying -- where kids are ignored or excluded -- can be just as devastating as a physical assault, say experts. To Ronald Stephens, executive director of the National School Safety Center, bullying is "one of the most underrated but enduring problems in schools today." In the U.S., surveys show that as many as one in four kids say they've been bullied recently in school. Did you know... ...people who are targeted by bullies are sensitive, respectful, honest, creative, have high emotional intelligence, a strong sense of fair play and high integrity with a low propensity to violence. Bullying has become epidemic in our schools. Talk to your child(ren) about bullying..Ask them if there is a classmate they don't like...ask them why and how they interact with that child. If you believe your child is a bully there is help.
Remember that bullies often come from homes where there is little warmth and parental attention, and where parents discipline inconsistently using physical punishment and emotional outbursts. They often have little empathy or trust and little ability to delay gratification. Structured counseling and education that stresses acknowledging actions, empathy development, and restitution is likely to be effective if it follows negative consequences for the aggressive behavior. Bullying youth often need to recognize that their behavior will continue to lead to consequences until they change it before using any counseling. Bullies need to learn to:
...bullies (who lack such qualities) see these as vulnerabilities to be exploited. ...sometimes the targeted child is a child with a higher-than-average level of emotional maturity and a capacity to communicate maturely with adults. The word "target" is used to indicate the deliberate and intentional choices that bullies make. .
...bullies are driven by jealousy and envy and have an obsessive compulsion to torment and destroy anyone who is better than they are - which is most of the population.
...bullies are weak, cowardly and inadequate people who cannot interact in a mature professional manner and have to resort to psychological violence (and, with child bullies, physical violence) to get their way. Only weak people need to bully.
Help For Bullies (http://www.stopbullyingnow.com/interven2.htm)
Informal counseling: serious talks, requests to apologize, asking why, pleading, and expressions of frustration- are unlikely to help and may make things worse.
Useful questions to ask bullies:
You will find that most young people showing bullying behavior will get stuck part-way through this sequence. Where they get stuck is where you need to focus with them to help them move on. Think of this sequence as being like a developmental sequence in learning to read. When children learn to sound out letters we know they are on the path to reading and we solidify those skills with them before moving on. We also appreciate their progress. Seeing signs of progress in the behavior of children who bully is what keeps us going. More important than that, seeing signs of progress is what keeps us liking them. And they will only work with and for us if they know we like them.
Click here for another informative article on our website about What to Do When Teasing Goes Too Far.