Wedding Notes, Guidelines & Procedures
1. We are happy to celebrate this momentous occasion in your life. God has called you both to this vocation of marriage. Thank you for sharing your vocation of marriage with Saint Charles Borromeo Church and its community. These guidelines are meant to assist you in understanding the theology and purpose of the Order for Celebrating Marriage in the Roman Catholic Church.
2. In 1969, the Marriage Rite was revised and is currently under a second revision. In 1990, a second edition was promulgated in Latin and approval of the English edition is pending. Meanwhile, these notes will help you in developing the sacrament of marriage. It is important for all to recognize that you, as a couple, are getting married in a church or faith community; you are in collaboration with us, while respecting church guidelines.
3. Marriage is a sacrament where you, the couple, are the ministers of the sacrament. It is also a church or parish event. You, as members of the Roman Catholic Community of Saint Charles Borromeo, or part of another church in the Archdiocese of Santa Fe, are part of the larger Catholic Church and tradition. We, as a parish community, are here to help you in preparing for Christian marriage and provide for you several ministries and services to assist you.
4. Saint Charles Borromeo Catholic Church highly values the principles and theology in the Rite of Marriage and maintains these standards. You may feel that these are not appropriate for your wedding. If this is the case, we invite you to choose another parish that has different expectations.
Assisting Ministries
5. The parish secretaries will inform the pastor, who will meet with you initially. A priest or deacon from the parish will be assigned to walk with you through the preparation of the Sacrament of Marriage. Our parish has several weddings, and we rotate the preparation and ceremonies among our staff deacons and priest. For a Mass, the pastor will preside at your wedding. For a marriage ceremony, not with a Mass, a deacon will preside at the ceremony.
6. Sponsor couples will mentor and walk with you as you journey toward your wedding day. You will first meet them at the “Pre-Cana” Retreat Day which is held in the Spring and Fall of each year. We ask that you participate in one of these retreat days. Additionally, your sponsor couple will serve as a support to you after you are married. In the “Pre-Cana” weekend/retreat, you will have the opportunity to reflect on your vocation as a married couple. Other parishes in the Archdiocese of Santa Fe also hold retreat days. You may participate in one of these, but will need a certificate of completion to be included in your parish wedding folder.
7. Please meet with the priest or deacon before you hire a wedding coordinator. One is not needed for the church. A sacristan is provided by the church that will assist you with rehearsal. You will meet with clergy, secretary or the sacristan a week before your wedding to plan the rehearsal.
8. If you are planning to have a priest or deacon relative or friend witness your marriage vows, a copy of these guidelines will be mailed to him or you may inform them that they are available on the website of the parish. Please give the priest or deacon’s name, address and phone number five months in advance to the office. Permission for a visiting clergy member to witness your marriage is necessary by church law as well as receiving permission from the archbishop of Santa Fe. The pastor is not authorized to grant permission to the visiting clergy witness until the archbishop approves who may celebrate sacraments in the archdiocese. Once the archbishop grants permission for visiting clergy to witness the sacrament, the pastor will then additionally grant permission to have the marriage celebrated at Saint Charles.
9. A sacristan or deacon or priest will still be available during your wedding to open the church, set up and insure that there are the appropriate vessels and items for your marriage ceremony. Also, the parish music minister is responsible to be present to assist for the wedding celebration. The parish music minister receives a stipend for their required presence, as part of their contract with the parish.
10. The liturgy is the primary way we celebrate your marriage. We have priest presiders who will officiate your marriage. You will obtain the proper legal papers from the city and state, but the priest will assist you with the following during three required appointments:
· Obtain your Baptismal certificate – please contact the parish of your baptism and ask for a copy;
· Obtains two (2) affidavits, per person, that you are free to marry in the Roman Catholic Church
· Provide you with an overview of the meaning and theology of marriage in the Roman Catholic tradition;
· Review the marriage readiness assessment "FOCCUS" or another archdiocesan approved marriage readiness assessment;
· After all the church’s official paper work is turned in, donations and stipends given, then a date & time for the rehearsal and marriage will be set;
· Review the official Catholic Church's Rite of Marriage;
· Discuss and plan your marriage service/liturgy;
· Remind the couple to get the license;
· Review the rehearsal and placement of family members and wedding party
· Witness your marriage;
· Register your marriage with the Catholic Church at the place of your baptism;
· And sign the marriage certificate for you to bring to county clerk’s office after the sacrament on the wedding day.
Also, if one of the parities is a non-Catholic, a dispensation from the archbishop is required and the priest or deacon will explain and fill out this paper work with you. (The non-Catholic party does not have to sign any paper work saying that they believe or follow the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church.)
11. Saint Charles Borromeo is proud of celebrating the rituals meaningfully. The parish provides music ministers that you will give a stipend. (They have the right of first refusal and weddings are part of their contract with the parish.) They have been formed in the appropriate music for a Roman Catholic wedding. They are present to support the ritual and insure that our equipment is in working order. If there are particular hymns or songs from the church music books that you would like to request, please let your priest or deacon know. Please review the addendum for music selections that are used at Saint Charles. You may wish for someone from your family to sing; this occurs in the prelude music or postlude music. Before the date is set, a stipend is given to the musicians.
12. Our church is proud to have an Art & Environment Committee to daily maintain the worship environment. If you wish, you may have our A & E Committee arrange the flowers in the sanctuary for your ceremony. A stipend is given to the arranger to cover floral costs. Please alert the A & E Committee and clergy member if you plan to remove your floral arrangements and bring them to your reception. Flowers usually remain for the weekend liturgies so that parishioners will know that there has been a wedding and may pray for you. Please note the specific locations and height for flowers allowed in our sanctuary. Before the date is set, a stipend is given to the flower arranger. Please note: our pews are recently restored. No tape, wire or other items may be affixed. Please work with our florist for details. Our florist will assist you with bows or other items that may adhere to the pews.
13. We ask you to think of parishioners or family members who may proclaim the Word of God well and be a lector for your liturgy. You may choose one or two readings and have a different person read each. A booklet (Together for Life) will be given to you to choose readings and intercessions that you feel reflect your beliefs about Christian marriage. Additionally, someone should be chosen to read the "Prayers of the Faithful/General Intercessions" or petitions.
14. The parish cantor will sing the Psalm. You may choose a particular one contained in the preparatory wedding guide (Together for Life).
15. We ask that you choose ushers to greet your guests. During the rehearsal they will be instructed as to other ways they may be of service, such as opening and closing doors, taking a collection for a cause that you may wish to have your guests support, etc. We invite you to consider having your guests seated anywhere in the church, rather than being selective by sitting on the bride's or groom's side: we come to celebrate you as a couple and should not have to make a decision about whose side we support.
16. Three altar servers, who receive a stipend, will minister at your wedding ceremony: A cross bearer and altar server(s) will assist the priest in the ritual. Let us know if you have a specific server in mind; otherwise, we will schedule servers to help us.
17. If you will have a Wedding Mass, choose at least two people to bring up the bread and wine (and possible collection) during the Preparation of the Gifts and Altar. Also, extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion (at least 2) will assist with the distribution of Holy Communion. Let us know of particular parishioners or guests who are commissioned as Communion Ministers that you would like to serve in this ministry during your wedding.
Preparation
18. All couples are invited and required to attend a wedding preparation retreat called "Pre-Cana.” As mentioned above, Saint Charles hosts two a year. The Archdiocese of Santa Fe publishes in the official newspaper of the archdiocese, People of God, other opportunities or weekend retreats throughout the year for you to explore your relationship in this spiritual setting. It is a weekend experience for you to deepen your commitment to each other and is also mandatory. A certificate will be given to you upon completion.
19. During the retreat and after, you, your sponsor couple and the clergy member will:
· Gain an overview of the process to getting married;
· See if you, the couple, is able to agree to these guidelines;
· And to determine whether this setting is appropriate for the way you wish to celebrate your marriage.
20. Planning and preparing a wedding take time. Please contact the parish office ten months before your proposed date for marriage. After all of the initial preparation [Pre-Cana Weekend or FOCCUS assessment and interviews with the clergy], the priest or deacon will assess if there is a readiness for marriage and, with the couple, choose a specific date six months in advance to put the date on the parish calendar.
21. Please note that relatives or friends may insist on certain items or ceremonies, either in the months during your preparation, at the rehearsal or during the actual wedding day. The priest or deacon will guide you through the process and affirm your choices; the priest, deacon, sacristan or his delegate will coordinate the rehearsal and assist in the final decisions.
Ritual Notes
22. The vocation of marriage flows from your baptismal commitment and your service to Christ and the church. It is now more common for the couple to greet their guests as they gather in the church before the ceremony. This is in the official rite of the Roman Catholic Church. Consider that there is no reason to spend the day separated from one another. Other traditions may sometimes reflect discriminatory beliefs toward women that are not part of today's Catholic view of the dignity of women.
23. As a reminder of your discipleship in the Lord and baptism, a Sprinkling Rite may be celebrated during the Introductory Rites. Marriage continues the covenant relationship with God and celebrates the new covenant that you will share from this sacrament until you part. This sacrament helps you in growing in holiness.
24. Weddings are not normally celebrated, except for a pastoral emergency, during Advent and Lent. These preparatory seasons of the church year help us focus on other elements of Christian life that are different from themes of the sacrament of marriage.
25. Since the couple is the primary symbol and the ministers of the sacrament, they will be seated in a central location within the sanctuary of the church in the Place of Honor. This is located next to the ambo.
26. All will show reverence and respect to the sacred symbols of the church (altar, tabernacle, cross, ambo, baptismal font, etc.) by customary bows or genuflections. Smoking, mobile phones and gum chewing are inappropriate for the church premises. Additionally, baseball caps, cowboy hats, T-shirts with messages or other inappropriate items for church may not be worn on the premises, either for the rehearsal or at the wedding ceremony. Appropriate dress is expected at the wedding, and for the rehearsal, with long pants or skirts, shirts or blouses and shoes. Additionally, proper reverence and behavior for church is expected.
27. We appreciate maintaining the proper cleanliness for the church and grounds. All items that you bring (flower or tux wrappers, pins, etc.) are taken with you when you leave. A vacuum cleaner is available to all parties who need to tidy-up after a service.
28. If you wish, a special ritual program guide will be prepared by the parish staff for your wedding liturgy. Two weeks before the ceremony please give a detailed listing of your wedding party and family members so that we may include them in the program.
Pastoral Notes
Donations & Stipends
29. There are many expenses involved in running a parish and in the preparation of your marriage. Those needing special financial assistance are asked to discuss this with the priest. Your minimum donation is broken down to the following expenses that are given at the time the date is set:
· $100.00 for accompanist and $75 for the cantor (Checks are made out in their names.)
· $125.00 suggested donation for preparation with the priest or deacon
· $250.00 donation for the use of the church (paid in two installments – one when the date is set – non-refundable and the other a month before the wedding).
· $10.00 for each altar server (3 for a Mass)
· $100.00 for the flower arranger & the cost of the flowers (optional, unless you are bringing in your own flowers)
Again, if you wish a wedding program guide (which includes the words to the music for the ritual, and the names of your family and wedding party), please add $50.00 to your donation.
30. Non-parishioners are welcome to celebrate the Rite of Marriage, in the Catholic tradition after an initial interview with the pastor. This is up to the pastor’s discretion – and normally, non-parishioners weddings are not done at Saint Charles due to the busy parish schedule. A donation of $500.00 is requested for non-parishioners use of the church and facilities given during the first meeting with the priest or deacon. Additionally, your own pastor must give permission for the clergy of Saint Charles to witness the marriage. This written permission must be received 3 months before the wedding. For non-parishioners, the above stipends for the musicians, servers and florist are also given on the day the date is set for the wedding.
Safety & Sacred Concerns
31. For the safety of you and your guests, no objects (such as rice, flowers and bird seed) may be thrown on the premises, either in church or outside. Additionally, no additional flooring (runners, carpet, wood planks, etc.) may be laid on the surface. Our insurance company, Catholic Mutual, is very strict about this safety factor and will bill you directly if there is a violation to this policy.
32. Flash photography distracts from the sacredness of the event and harms the eyes of your guests and clergy. No flash photography may be taken during the Rite of Marriage because it is a sacred ritual. Videographer(s) and still photographers may not roam the nave or sanctuary of the church or use additional lighting. A special reserved place will be shown to the photographer and videographer in the alcoves or balcony. It is extremely important for us to maintain reverence and respect to you and this sacred ritual. Wedding poses may be done with flash photography before or after the Rite of Marriage. Please inform the priest as to your preference when you set up your rehearsal time. Due to our church schedule, you have a whole hour after your wedding for photography. Please give a copy of these guidelines to your photographer(s).
33. No animals, insects or other objects may be released on the premises.
34. You, as a symbol of the sacrament, are quite important. Nothing should distract the congregation from the symbol of the sacrament. The other prime symbol of the sacrament is the wedding rings. The bishops of the country have limited and removed additional items and products of our secular society from other sacraments because of distraction from the prime symbols (i.e., confirmation and stoles, etc.). We, at Saint Charles Borromeo, follow the Roman Rite and do not support extra commercial products.
35. The "unity candle" is a commercial product that is not included in the Roman Rite marriage ceremony. Additionally, no candles may be attached to pews or other fixtures in the church. Candles blow out and die; we hope that your love and marriage will last forever. The Easter or Paschal candle, as a symbol of Christ, may be used during the Rite of Marriage. Please let the minister know of this important symbol of the church to be used in your service.
36. We celebrate the marriage traditions of the Vietnamese or Hispanic communities. Please let us know of the ones you would like to have done and who will sponsor you. Please insure that your godparents are invited and included in the celebration.
Music Notes
37. Our music ministers will choose appropriate music with and/or for you at specific times during the liturgy, before (preludes), entrance of guests and the wedding party and postludes. We ask you to meet with them, to select together the appropriate church songs. Only sacred music is done at Saint Charles weddings, including the music that is in the hymn rack of the pews.
38. The Roman Catholic Church and its Congregation for Divine Worship of the Sacraments in 1971 issued a document forbidding the use of R. Wagner's "Lohengrin," or as most know it, "Here Comes the Bride.” This piece of music may not be used because it comes from an opera that is contrary to the values and theology of marriage. Also the Order for Celebrating Marriage expects that there will be an entrance song, uniting the congregation in the rite, as is done at Sunday and weekday Eucharists.
“Secular music, even though it may emphasize the love of the spouses for one another, is not appropriate for the
Sacred Liturgy. Songs that are chosen for the Liturgy should be appropriate for the celebration and express the faith of the Church” (see Sing to the Lord; Music in Divine Worship, paragraph 220, the music guidelines for the Liturgy set forth by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2008, emphasis added).
As said above, soloists may be used, especially from the family, but at certain parts of the Liturgy, especially before the Wedding Liturgy, or afterward. “Soloists should not usurp parts of the Mass designated for congregational participation” (see Sing to the Lord: Music in Divine Worship, 221).
39. There are three different rites in the Order for Celebrating Marriage, divided into two different categories: the Rite within a Mass and the Rite of Marriage Outside of Mass. Traditionally, two Catholics marrying may request a Eucharist or Mass with the Rite of Marriage. However, couples do not have to feel pressured to have Eucharist and the Rite of Marriage. A Catholic marrying a non-Catholic celebrates the "Rite of Marriage Outside of Mass," usually with a deacon leading the prayers.
40. The Roman Catholic Order for Celebrating Marriage states that the couple enters into marriage together and symbolizes this by having the bride and groom process in together at the beginning of the marriage (See paragraphs 19 and 20). Parents may also join you in this procession with the other ministers (lectors, servers, etc.) and wedding party. During the last preparatory meeting with the priest or deacon and the sacristan, a seating and procession flow chart will be prepared.
Choosing a Time for the Celebration
41. You are part of our parish community and we would like to have as many of our parishioners present to celebrate this wonderful occasion in your life. We will publish an announcement of your marriage in our parish bulletin if you request.
42. The "Blessing of an Engaged Couple," in the Book of Blessings of the Roman Ritual, is celebrated after the priest decides your readiness for marriage and may be done at a weekday Eucharist or one of the weekend Masses of your choosing. Also, it is done during the end of the “Pre-Cana” Weekend at the Saturday evening Mass.
43. Because our church has many events scheduled on a weekend, weddings are normally celebrated Saturday at 2 p.m. However, you may wish to celebrate your marriage:
· Earlier on Saturday;
· During a Sunday Eucharist,
o Either at the Saturday vigil Mass, 5:00 p.m., or 7:00 p.m. (Vietnamese)
o Sunday at 9 a.m. or 11 a.m.
· During a Weekday Eucharist, which are at 7:00 a.m. or 12:10 p.m.
Again, weddings are not done during Advent and Lent at Saint Charles to maintain the solemnity of those liturgical seasons. (The church bans the use of flowers during the Lenten Season except on March 19 and 25, the solemnities of Saint Joseph and the Annunciation of the Lord, respectively.)
44. Our parish has a very full schedule of events each day. Your wedding is one of the important moments in the parish's life. We ask you to respect the church schedule by being prompt for the rehearsal and Rite of Marriage so that other events will not infringe on your liturgy. Rehearsals last an hour and are scheduled on Fridays at 5:00 p.m.
Other Notes
45. The Entrance Hymn takes place after any instrumental processional, and is used to gather the assembly into a worshiping body. The procession includes many people, according to liturgical norms. (The bride & groom process together, Rite of Marriage, paragraphs 19 and 20.) The “Gloria” is now sung as part of the Introductory Rites of the Mass.
46. The Ave Maria, Our Father, and Panis Angelicus, may be sung only before the service begins as prelude music. If you are planning a prayer at the Shrine of Mary, after reception of Holy Communion, or the Nuptial Blessing (if there is no Mass), the Ave Maria may be sung at this time.
47. Vocal or instrumental solos are appropriate at the Presentation of the Gifts, but not at communion, when all should sing a Communion Hymn. The full set of ritual music, when there is a Mass (i.e. Sanctus, Amen, etc.) will be sung.)
Written and approved by the Pastoral Council, November 2003
Updated 11 July 2007
Memorial of Saint Benedict, Abbot and Liturgist
Second update: 30 November 2008
First Sunday of Advent
Conclusion & Signature of Acknowledgment
48. Again, thank you for your attention to these details and for your presence at Saint Charles. We are honored that you wish to celebrate this important step in your vocation as a married couple.
49. We hope that these notes and guidelines have been helpful to you as you consider choosing Saint Charles Borromeo Roman Catholic Church for your wedding.
If you would like to enter this process of marriage and affirm that these guidelines will be respected and followed, please sign below and we will place this agreement in your wedding file:
Groom: ____________________________________
Bride: ____________________________________
Date: __________________________
Saint Charles Borromeo Minister: ___________________________________
Recommended Wedding Music Selections
1. All Creatures of Our God & King
2. All Peoples of our God and King
3. Amazing Grace
4. Amen El Cuerpo de Cristo
5. Eye has Not Seen
6. For the Beauty of the Earth
7. Glory and Praise to our God
8. Hear us Now Our God and Father
9. How Great Thou Art
10. I Am the Bread of Life
11. I Have Loved You
12. In Perfect Charity
13. I Will Praise You (Ps. 145)
14. Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee
15. The Lord Is Kind and Merciful (Ps. 103)
16. Lord of All Hopefulness
17. Love Divine, All Loves Excelling
18. Loving and Forgiving
19. Hosea
20. My Soul Rejoices
21. O God You Search Me
22. One Bread, one Body
23. Our Blessing Cup
24. Pan de Vida
25. Praise God from whom All Blessings Flow
26. Praise the Lord, Ye Heav's Adore Him
27. Praise to the Lord
28. Sing a New Song
29. Songs of Thankfulness and Praise
30. Taste and See (Ps. 34)
31. This Day God Gives Me
32. This Day was Made by the Lord
33. This is the Day
34. Ubi Caritas (Taize)
35. We Praise You, O Lord
36. When We Eat This Bread
37. Where There is Love
38. We Have Been Told
39. Wherever You Go
Ritual Outline for Your Selections
1. Prelude Music (beginning at least 15 minutes before the service):
a. _____________________________
b. _____________________________
c. _____________________________
2. Opening Procession/Opening Hymn: ________________________________________
3. Gloria: ______________________________________
4. Opening Prayer: _____________________________________
LITURGY OF THE WORD
5. First Reading (pick reading & reader): __________________________________________
6. Responsorial Psalm (SUNG): ______________________________
7. Second Reading: (pick reading & reader): ________________________________________
8. Gospel Acclamation (Alleluia): ____________________________
9. Gospel: (pick reading, proclaimed by deacon or priest) ______________________________________________
10. Homily
RITE OF MARRIAGE
11. Consent (said by couple memorized or on note cards )
12. Vows (said by couple memorized or on note cards)
13. Exchange of Rings (said by couple memorized or on note cards)
14. Song (OPTIONAL): _________________________________________________
15. General Intercessions (pick reader and selection): _________________________________________
LITURGY OF THE EUCHARIST
16: Preparation of the gifts (pick family members to present gifts & song): ________________________________
17. Nuptial Blessing: _________________________________
18. Communion Song: _________________________________________
19. Visitation to Blessed Virgin Mary (OPTIONAL): ______________________________________
20. Closing Song or Procession: ___________________________________
