Fanning the Flame at 2620 Lebanon Avenue, Belleville, IL 6221 US - The Sacrament of Marriage (21)

Quick Reflection:

Many couples today spend so much time on all the details of the dresses, tuxes, rings, flowers, photographer, reception, band/music, a guest list – sometimes spending over a year planning the “perfect” day.  Then more plans are made for the honeymoon.  Yet many couples forget to take that same planning of the details into their daily married life.  Marriage deserves both short term and long term planning and should be reevaluated frequently.  Know that married life will not be “perfect”.  Jobs will come and go.  Savings will come and go.  Children will require a change of plan, as may ailing parents who might require care and time.   There will always be struggles along the way. But married couples need to frequently ask themselves “what is God asking of us now so that we may grow closer to each other and to Him?  How can we be a beacon of light in the community?”

Commentary 

                 Jesus did not mean for marriage to be complicated, we humans managed to do the complicating.  Jesus instituted the Sacrament of Matrimony to be a loving and safe haven with all the graces needed to sustain the union until death separates a couple.  We are meant to come freely to offer ourselves to each other.  We vowed to stay together no matter what would come our way.  A Catholic marriage is a vocation that a husband and wife enter into with their solemn vows.   And that vocation must be worked at daily.  In our marriage we have a need to keep our skills of love, caring, commitment, and faith in God sharp.  We try to do this by daily recommitting to one another, with prayer, and with patient love.  When we had some of our toughest times and wondered if it was time to give up, prayer and marital graces showed us that one or more of the skills we needed for our vocation had been allowed to get rusty or even lost.  Our prayers for marital graces not only helped us identify the problem(s) but also helped us to get back on track.

                 We have found a greater closeness and intimacy when we pray together.  Attend Mass together.  Attend reconciliation services together. Attend ongoing enrichments together.  Serve in church ministries together. These “little” things all help strengthen the bond between the three of us in our sacrament – husband, wife, and God.   All of these “little” actions together on our faith journey strengthen our marriage.

                 Another aspect of our sacramental union is love making.  We join together in a way that God created.  This act of making love is for our mutual pleasure but we should be open to creation of children as well. And if God so chooses to bless us with children, they become a wonderful way to help build the kingdom of God here on earth.  As parents, we have the opportunity to teach them the faith.  And when we show both love and forgiveness for each other, we are modeling to our children God’s love and forgiveness for all of us.

                Marriage was made by God and as a popular phrase states “God doesn’t make junk.”  So what happened?  Why are 50% of all marriages ending in divorce?  If we go back to Adam and Eve, they had it made.  God created them especially for each other.  He placed them in the Garden of Eden.  He visited with them, talked with them, loved them.  All He asked was one thing – don’t eat the fruit from one tree in the Garden.  One rule to follow, it sounds so simple.  But Satan/Serpent, the Father of Lies, knew how to twist things and make up seem like down and vice versa.  Eve bit not just into the forbidden fruit, but into the lie the Serpent fed her.  Adam did the same.  Satan continues to tempt married couples today.  Sin wounds marriages. But the Graces of the Sacrament of Matrimony are there to heal marriages.  God unites a couple that they may help one another on their spiritual journey.  One primary goal of each marriage should be to help our spouse obtain eternal salvation.  Part of that journey is overcoming sin.  As husband and wife learn to put the other’s needs first, they die to self.  They are living Jesus’ command “to love one another as I have loved you.”  Jesus loved us so much that He died for us.  By putting our spouses and their needs above our own, then we are loving our spouses as Jesus loved us.

Discussion Questions

1.  In times of trouble in your marriage, do you pray to God that He will send His sacramental graces to help you through the tough times?

2.  Do you see your primary role in your marriage to help your spouse obtain eternal salvation?  What are you actively doing about this?

3.   Do you view your marriage as a journey or a one time event?  If a journey, what are you doing to help your journey follow God’s plan for your marriage?
 

Suggested Prayer Intentions

Dear Lord,
        We pray for the Vocation of Marriage.  We pray for its sanctity.  We ask for the special graces of the Sacrament of Matrimony to strengthen all marriages, especially those couples who are separated or contemplating divorce.  May the special graces of the sacrament root out Sin and heal wounds and scars.  As those living the vocation of marriage strengthen each other, may their love be a beacon of hope and light to a troubled world.     Amen.

Family Connection

Have a conversation with your children about important qualities that make the marriages and families strong.  Then, look at your extended family and parish family and consider how you can help encourage couples to grow together... maybe your family can offer to babysit for a young couple in your parish to give them special time together.

Digging Deeper


Click here to watch a USCCB video on the Sacrament of Marriage

Additional Resources

The United States Bishops issued a Pastoral Letter on Marriage in November 2009.  Click here to find the text (also in Spanish), video introduction, and study resources to go along with "Love and Life in the Divine Plan."

Also, from the USCCB:   The "For Your Marriage" website offers practical help and advice whether you're seriously dating, engaged, or at any stage of married life. If you're planning a Catholic wedding, you'll find information on everything from choosing the music and readings to marrying someone who is not Catholic. On the homepage check out the Daily Marriage Tips, book reviews, and blogs.

The "Marriage: Unique for a Reason" website is part of the Bishops' ongoing efforts to promote and defend marriage as the union of one man and one woman. It offers many educational resources for Catholics and others who want to better understand and articulate the Church's teaching on marriage. The website currently features two DVD resources, "Made for Each Other" and "Made for Life," as well as FAQs about marriage, a library of Church teaching, and a regularly updated blog.

Pope Benedict XVI speaks to US Bishops on Marriage and Family during an Ad Limina visit 3/2012

Each year on Good Friday, at the Colosseum, the Pope leads a public celebration of the Stations of the Cross. This year (2012) the meditations were written by a married couple and reflect the realities of married life.     Click here for the meditations.
 

All of our contributors for this Chapter on the Sacrament of Marriage have ties to Worldwide Marriage Encounters ... see here more about WWME:



The national Worldwide Marriage Encounter website is www.wwme.org.

Engaging the Culture

The understanding of the sacramental nature of marriage is not one we impose on the broader culture, but in the culture there is widespread conversation about the very definition of marriage. To enter into that conversation listen to "A Conversation About Same Sex Unions: Teaching with Fidelity and Charity," with Deacon Richard Hudzik, D.Min, from the Archdiocese of Chicago and who serves as the Chair of the Catholic Conference of Illinois Defense of Marriage Department.

Click here to listen -> left click to listen after a short wait for downloading or you can right click to save for listening from your computer or other device at a later time.

About the Author:

We have been married for 41 years.  In those years we have had trials, sorrows, illnesses, and stress.  Any one of these could have been strong enough to tear us apart.  When things were really bad we would recall our vows and pray for those special graces available to us through our sacrament.  Those graces have strengthened our marriage and each of us as individuals.  The fabric of the Sacrament of Matrimony covers all the years of marriage.  Our marriage can be seen as a colorful patchwork quilt that reflects our life together.  It is multi-colored, thinner in some spots, thicker in others.  In places our fabric is patched, some places are as rough as an emery board, others are silky smooth. But it is there together as one fabric – for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. It has been lovingly woven together by our prayers, our commitment to each other, and the special graces God has granted through the Sacrament of Matrimony.

-The Kaisers currently serve as the executive leadership couple for Worldwide Marriage Encounter in the Belleville and Springfield diocesan area of Southern Illinois.-  The national Worldwide Marriage Encounter website is www.wwme.org.

Reaching Out Beyond the Parish Walls